Ever wondered why? JH explains:

Taken from Tim Dunlop's Blogocracy comments section:

austie:

Just a thought, why is it that it is the most disadvantaged in society who suffer the worst under the new industrial relation laws?

John Howard Jr:

Dear austie,

Simple question, simple answer: Because they were written by the Liberal Party. Single moms, people with disabilities, Uni students, pensioners, workers in the lower income brackets, doesn’t matter. The plebs need to understand that the business end of town needs to be looked after, and if that means having to shift money from the working class wallets to Big Biz profit & loss reports, then so be it. We are the Liberal Party, that is what we do.

Yours gleefully,

John Howard Jr

austie:

Dear John Howard Jr.,

I knew there must be a rational explanation, and it is reassuring to know that our beloved government, and Prime Minister work so hard to maintain only afterall, a reasonable standard of living for those who are the real most needy amongst us.

It is easy to forget how costly it can be to run the private yacht, not to mention how dear it is today simply to travel first class.

It is outrageous of course having to pay for the occasional slice of pizza, and a drop of Californian.

I appreciate your kind help in clarifying this complex situation for me.

Kind regards,

Your average mug.

John Howard Jr:

Hello austie,

good to hear that you are with us Liberals on this. Goes to show that there is still hope for Tasmania, if you pass on your e-mail addy I’ll promise to forward it to our Liberal Special Human Intelligence Team (Liberal SHIT) in Hobart, who will be more than happy to invite you to their SHIT meetings.

You see, we need people in the working class who are willing to defend us Uptown dwellers, who have a grasp on the fact that if there are no Big Business profits, the companies will leave Australia and go to India or China where they get away with paying a pittance and no unions to make a stink about it. And if there are no companies, there is no work. Simple. We therefore have to introduce Indian and Chinese wage levels & workers rights to Australia, you know, to save or possibly even generate jobs.

Of course there is always the lottery or e-bay with which you proletarians can escape the mortgaged suburbs and join us on the winner side. Thats what we Liberals stand for, Hope. So keep playing Keno and selling stuff on e-bay, you might be debt free one day, not through work, but through ingenuity and luck, thats what we Liberals stand for, Luck to the brave.

So, thanx for your reply. I trust you’ll be voting Liberal at the next election (no, better, for the rest of your life) and ensure the success of our IR Laws revolution, as it is about choices, your choices - live in Australia and work for a few dollars all day or live in China and work for a few dollars a day. Remember, under Labor you wouldn’t have this important choice.

Best wishes

John Howard Jr

austie:

Dear John Howard Jr,

It amazes me to learn, and I must say that it is hard for me to admit this, just how wrong I have been in my thinking. I have always had a profound interest in China, and the Chinse people and I can see now there really is no better way to learn about this ancient culture than by working much longer hours at Chinese rates. This all seems so obvious to me now that I am embarrassed to say that I did not realise it earlier.

Of course there is the economic side of this miracle too. After all my needs are simply and let’s face it, do we really need to eat everyday? Obviously if we reduce wages we can reduce the extravagant expenditure on things like unnecessary food, educational costs – I am sure you would agree – on children who should learn to stay in their proper places as servants and butlers to those too busy with the cares of the world to attend to their own immediate personal needs. Acknowledging that all employers and Liberal Politicians are omnipotent and obviously know far more that we do about what is right and wrong, why would we ever need health coverage, because if we work hard how can we ever possible get sick?

I must confess to a great sense of relief knowing as I now do our proper place in the scheme of things. I was wondering - this is just an idea from the top of my head, whether … we could introduce the Indian caste system here. This would simplify things enormously.

I truly appreciate your comments … to say that the light has finally gone on in my dark abyss of ignorance … well … words fail me.

I remain eternally indebted to you for my sudden enlightenment.

Kind regards,

Your average mug

P.S.

When you left you shoes for polishing you didn’t tell me when you were going to collect them, so I have assumed that you will want them soonest. I apologise for not having them done earlier.

P.P.S.

I must admit to an embarrassment of a totally different kind now. It seems that, well … due to my lower wages that I just don’t have $10 today to pay you for this wonderful opportunity to clean your shoes, so I was wondering, is it OK if I pay you next week, or would you simply prefer to take my car?

John Howard Jr:

Hello Austie,

first up regarding the shoes, of course its alright if you pay me next week. Fortunately us Liberals have kept the interest rates low as promised, so you should be able to afford the slight increase in payments. I might take you up on your offer though and take the car (as collateral) until you made payment in full.

Secondly, as you pointed out correctly, food is so overrated and in our Liberal policy papers is fittingly classed as a luxury item. In a real workers paradise we don’t need that kind of lavishness, there is always the fingernails to chew on, who simply regrow and can be easily shared with friends or family. When the times get tough, the Liberals get going, welcome on board. When I pick up my shoes err.. sorry, when you drop of my shoes, ask my housekeeper to hand you the Liberal Guide to Clever Rationing And Poverty (CRAP), a must read for people who care about our lucky country. Getting by was never any easier.

Talking about education, as you might know, us Liberals have always been in favor of pragmatic and outcome based learning, preferably centered around the concept of mutual obligation. Children should learn the skills to succeed in later life, so knowing how to set a table or vacuum your employer’s car is essential to achieve their goals in adulthood. In order to be able to fill in a ballot paper correctly come election time, kids should also learn how to recognise the word Liberal. So there is lots to be taught, on the job training being the preferred method, and under a liberal government you can rest assured the costs to parents will be not exceeding their life savings.

Finally, I really like your idea of Australia adopting the Indian caste system, or at least make it official, because, and lets be honest about this, effectively we actually have already implemented this scheme. Us Liberals think ahead, our core quality which sets us apart from the rest of the field, a liberal trademark so to speak that is appreciated by the Australian electorate and industry. You might have noticed that I rarely speak to working class people and I encourage all my fellow Bentley Club members to take a similar approach when dealing with the masses. This guarantees an orderly society where people know their place whilst fulfilling our human need for belonging.

I appreciate your lines of encouragement and, with warm regards, remain

Yours truly

John Howard Jr

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